The First Rejection: Are You Over Your First Love?

photo courtesy of tumblr

today at lunch i walked to the river to eat my avocado, chicken & asparagus sandwich underneath one of those tunnel bridge things (they always remind me of Europe and men in striped shirts and berets rowing couples romantically in a gandola ...) anyway i had the unfortunate - or fortunate? - pleasure of sitting right near two young tweeny-boppers in the middle of a break up. the girl, (the dumpee) a cute blonde, was holding her knees to her chest and curled up as small as possible, tightly hugging her flowy flower dress to her mouth. her white high heels lay toppled on the dirt cobblestone. the boy (the dumper) was a long-haired sk8er boi with a black tee shirt, jeans and some vans. the girl sniffled away quietly as the boy talked in hushed tones. for the entire length of my lunch this girl sniffled. i was so tempted to hand her one of my napkins. i was also tempted to go over there and say this to her (and sk8er boi):

hi sweetheart. here, use this napkin to blow your nose. no, it's not embaressing to blow your nose in front of this guy. i know how hard you are trying to remain perfect, but perfect doesn't exist. (in fact, your desperation to be perfect might actually be the root of the problem here.) i know from personal experience.  i know because i was here too, crying at age 15, being dumped by the guy who i thought was my one true love. only, he did it to me over instant message. and instead of crying to him like you are now, i cried to my mom. deep, guteral screams that couldn't possibly have had anything to do with the guy who dumped me - they had more to do with the scorching pain of being rejected. but kudos to you, sk8er boi, for dumping her in person and for having the balls to sit with her while she cries. and kudos to you, girl-who-is-trying-so-hard-to-be-perfect, for letting him see you cry. you guys are already way ahead of my 15 year old self. but look at me now, i got through it and i'm still here. life goes on, life gets better. you'll meet someone who loves you like crazy and who makes you feel worthy. and don't think for one second that hes dumping you for any reason you could possibly understand. its not because your hair is too frizzy, or because you are too 'fat' (whatever that means), or because you don't wear the right clothes. its not because you chose to wear a flowery dress today - it's not about any of this stuff. it's about him and his complicated inner-world and the fact that he is a messy human being just like the rest of us. so go ahead, girl, cry your eyes out to him. tell him you are angry, upset, disappointed, sad - whatever. just use your voice...and let him hear you! you're entitled to be loud, to say what you feel and to get good and angry. and sk8er boi, just listen. listen to her story. both of you, be honest with eachother. you may get back together, you may not. but the point is that you two are being present with eachother through a sensitive human encounter and it takes guts to stay with ourselves during these kinds of moments. the good news here is that they are just moments, meaning they don't last forever. the good stuff will come back, i promise.  and after all it's only teenage wasteland.