Friday, January 18, 2013
Thursday, January 17, 2013
"You become what you think. If you’re not getting the results you want, ask yourself what you were thinking first.
Whether you’re aware of it or not, you have a mental tape running constantly that affects your moods and ultimately, your behavior. When these thoughts are negative, outdated, or confining, they undermine the process of change. It stands to reason that without awareness of this mental chatter, you won’t really know why you do what you do.
Your thoughts are the primary creator of your emotions, which inspire your actions, and therefore lead to your results. This “thought > feeling > action > result” cycle is a “causal loop.” (In Eat What You Love, Love What You Eat, I call this cycle “TFAR.”)
In other words, when you think a certain thought, it causes you to feel a certain way, which causes you to act in a certain way, which causes certain results, which then “proves” that your original thoughts were correct.
This “thought > feeling > action > result” cycle applies to all of your thoughts, not just those surrounding food, eating, and weight. It applies to your thoughts about your relationships, your career, your finances, your habits, and your abilities—any area of your life within your sphere of influence.
These patterns of thinking become repetitive. Even when a thought pattern leads to poor results, you may stay locked in its trap because it feels familiar and comfortable. Thousands of repetitions of a particular experience create auto-pilot thoughts, feelings, and actions, and therefore, predictable results.
The first step to disrupting an undesirable cycle is to start monitoring your internal conversation and notice the results that it creates. If you recognize that your self-talk is inaccurate, ineffective, or limiting, you can choose to change it in order to change your outcome. Just as the repetition of negative mantras become ingrained, the repetition of new positive mantras will result in the rewiring of your brain.
Interestingly, you don’t even have to believe what you’re saying to yourself at first. There’s power in simply saying it. Your mind doesn’t tolerate incongruence; if your thoughts are saying something, your brain will find a way to make it true. In other words, “fake it until you make it.” When you act “as if” it were true, it often becomes true.
There are many thought patterns or self-talk that will keep you stuck in a rut. Let’s take a look at just one type of internal conversation that is common in people who struggle with their weight, the Inner Critic. This self-talk is harsh and hypercritical and says things like:
“You are weak-willed and you have no self-control.”
“You are too heavy to be attractive.”
“You are lazy and too undisciplined to exercise the way you should.”
Although you may think you’re keeping yourself in line, criticism is a poor long term motivator—even when you’re the one doing the criticizing. Instead this hypercritical self-talk causes feelings of inadequacy and hopelessness. As a result, you won’t do your best or even try. The results only prove that the Inner Critic was right—and lead to more harsh criticism.
To change this pattern, begin to use an encouraging, gentle inner voice to motivate yourself toward the positive changes you want. For example:
“It is a challenge to turn down tempting food but you can always have it later when you are hungry.”
“You look really nice in this dress—especially when you smile!”
“You will feel so much better if you take even just a short walk. Everyone has to start somewhere.”
The next time you find yourself eating in a way that feels out of control, uncomfortable, or unsatisfying, ask yourself what you were thinking before you took the first bite of food. Remember that negative self-talk can lead to uncomfortable feelings and overeating. When you practice catching these negative thoughts before they lead to negative feelings and behaviors you can switch to a kinder, gentler, observing voice that coaches you toward the results you really want!
- Michelle May, M.D. is the founder of the Am I Hungry?® Mindful Eating Workshops and Facilitator Training Program that helps individuals learn to break free from mindless and emotional eating. She is the author of Eat What You Love, Love What You Eat: How to Break Your Eat-Repent-Repeat Cycle. (Download chapter one free.)
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
Monday, January 7, 2013
Love is an action, a choice.
Love is not really an emotion.
Love is not really an emotion.
To Love someone is to choose to show up to be devoted to The Divine through that person.
So often in life these days we think that Love is easy or that Love only feels good, but that is not the full extent of what Love is - especially relationship Love.
People think that relationship Love is something that must mask your true feelings, it must always be a euphoric high of some kind or that Love must be a trade.
But that's not what Love is.
Love is a constant offering to serve to Heart of the person you are in a relationship with. Love is a constant surrendering of your protective ego, so that the Heart can open even more and show you the unknown beauty of its depths.
Love transcends language, religion and belief systems. Love is the deepest gift that we could ever be given by someone and it's the greatest gift that we could ever give ourselves.
Love is not a trade. Love is not a power trip. Love is not some grandiose expression of infatuation. Love is a humble and subtle power that guides us to grow into titans of giving.
Love asks us to see beyond the fear of our partner, to dive deeper than their ego would want us to and to not leave, even when all that is triggering us wants us to run.
Love shows up when fear is present and asks for more... Love is bigger, Love is brighter, Love is more powerful than any other force in the Uni-verse, because at the core of every cell in the Uni-verse is the deep yearning and desire to Love and be Loved.
Love does not march in with pomp and circumstance. Love whispers. Love silently beckons us to get over ourselves so that we can see the beauty that lay within us and every other sacred soul.
We were not sent to judge, for judgment is just a request for Love. We were sent to Love the parts of ourselves and the world that lack it. We were sent to be the Love in the seeming void of Love.
We, indeed, are the answer. No one is coming, for we have already come.
Our job is to wake up to Love and then be it.
Our job is to Love.
- Mastin Kipp, The Daily Love