Close Encounters with the Furry Kind

credit pul.se



on my way home from walking to visit my friend who works at the bakery down the road, i decided to take the back way through a quiet street behind my house around a wooded area. there i am just minding my own business, la-dee-da taking a nice Saturday stroll when all of the sudden i hear a strange spitting and clicking noise to my left. i look down to see a rabbid raccoon 2 inches from my feet looking similar to the picture above. let me tell you something, i ran faster than green grass goes through a goose. i don't think i've ever run that fast in my life. well, ok maybe not since highschool lacrosse tryouts.

luckily, i was not hurt (except for only some minor shock to my lungs who haven't seen that kind of action since '06) and went on with my day. then, as i am pulling out of my driveway later in the afternoon (this time safely protected inside of a car) i see a furry brown ball rolling around convulsing in the lawn in our backyard. at first i thought it was the neighbor's cat, Tigger, but then I think to myself...wait a minute, since when was Tigger brown with black stripes? (Tigger is grey with white stripes.) clearly Rocky Raccoon was back and hot on my trail.

so naturally i call my dad. he'll know what to do, i think. he doesn't answer. (i should mention here that he was out golfing.) so then the following text message conversation proceeds:

dad: something up?

me: rabbid raccoon in backyard

dad: call township

apparently 411 doesn't have our township on file. or our township doesn't have a phone line. i'm not sure which, but in any case i decide that 911 would most likely be able to connect me to the township... you know how this ends right? well 911 was pretty serious and i was trying very hard to convince them it was NOT an emergency only a minor issue with a possibly rabbid raccoon in my backyard and could they maybe connect me to the township? nope, instead they send 2 officers out who then call me, laughing, telling me that this is really a call for animal control and the only thing they could do is "destroy" the animal. not sure why they chose the word "destroy." destroy? i thought wouldn't they just send him to the vet? i obviously decided not to take action. i was hoping Rocky would maybe eat a few dandelion greens, flush those Rabies right out. (ok, i admit i am being cute here.) but i will pray for Rocky tonight as i go to sleep as well as any other living creature who is suffering.

and, your award for reading this entire post? ...Rocky Raccoon - duh!