The End is Nigh



image courtesy http://www.eonline.com/


it's true. i am a Potter fan fanatic and i wave my freak flag HIGH and PROUD. i began reading the books when i was 11 when i very sick with a rare autoimmune disease. after coming back from the hospital, i remember that i would lay in bed in my yellow sponge-painted bedroom, with my dad asleep on a mattress on the floor (my mom was worried i would need someone in the middle of the night), a bowl of cheez-its and a glass of gingerale at my bedside table and "Harry Potter and the Sorceror's Stone" propped open on my tummy.

i remember laying there reading, feeling safe and warm - like i too was in the cozy Gryffindor common room swathed in maroon velvet tapestries and a fire crackling in the fireplace, sippping warm butterbeer with my best friends, Harry, Hermione and Ron. when the heaviness in my chest would not lift from breathing treatments or the medicine, Harry Potter never failed to bring respite. i could - and still can - open those books and completely escape. almost immediately i slip into a world dipped in golden sunlight and warmth.

a world where a special train will take you to a special school for young witches and wizards, where ghosts live in old castles, a world full of adventure and mystery, trolls, hippogriffs, spells, disappearing staircases, invisibility cloaks, protective patronuses, love potions, ancient stories and despite all its unusual aspects, a world where love and friendship and individuality thrive and prevail despite all odds. a world where evil exists but never succeeds. a world separate from our own but at times the same in all of the most important ways.

it is no wonder that i have re-read each of the seven books more than three times. i have also watched each of the movies more than three times. when the first movie came out, i was ecstatic to see the world that was painted in my mind brought to life onscreen. most of the movie was exactly how i imagined it. the books matured as they went on and so too did the movies - changing screenwriters, directors, cinematography moving from golden hues to bleak blue tones. i have anxiously awaited the release of each book and each movie, and have grown more and more excited with each new release.

don't you love my Deathly Hallows symbol new tattoo?

though i am pee-my-pants-excited to dress up in my Hogwarts uniform and see HP at 12:30 am on July 14, i also feel like a small lead is sinking in my tummy because i know this is the last one. the last midnight premiere. the last build-up of commercials and trailers and posters and signs. it is beautiful and sad like all endings because at the end, we mourn for the goodness that already happened that isn't happening at this moment. we feel sad that we can't have that high, that feeling every single day. we become attached to it and we begin to anticipate the sadness of the loss. whenever we lose something, we need to grieve. we need to feel sadness but we also have to feel thankful and see how far we - it - have come. we have no other choice but to be thankful for the journey, for where we've gone, what we've gotten past and through. but when we know it's over, that there is no more road to walk on, the sadness can be overwhelming. we must appreciate the beauty of the process, the beauty of what happened, of what is happening - of what is still in store for us. every artist, every writer of every decade and generation has tried to figuire out what is the purpose of life when life can be so meaningless and sad.

for me, J.K. Rowling has proven that we can almost always escape into the shadowy and delicate recesses of our minds, our imaginations and our dreams - that these mysteries give us hope of a powerful unknown much larger and greater than us. that positive creativity is our connection to the divine and that creativity is both the poison (or cause of) and the antidote to the suffering of mankind. we create everything. we create our own stories. we create meaning whether the meaning is positive or negative - we can even create the idea that there is no meaning. we create both our suffering and our joy through thoughts and actions - and this is truly the most important thing to know of all. well, that and Dumbledore's sage wisdom:

“That which Voldemort does not value, he takes no trouble to comprehend. Of house-elves and children’s tales, of love, loyalty, and innocence, Voldemort knows and understands nothing. Nothing. That they all have a power beyond his own, a power beyond the reach of any magic, is a truth he has never grasped.” - Albus Dumbledore